Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana
by Le soleil brille pas pour toi
Summary: Where did Snape get his start in teaching? Why, it was in his seventh year, when Professor Slughorn talked his star potioneer into doing some tutoring. [Written for the QLFC, season 6, round 6]


Author's note

Written for Season 6 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.

Round 6: Month by Month

Team: Pride of Portree

Position: Chaser 2

Prompt: Write about a character born in January - options: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Gilderoy Lockhart

Optional prompts:

3\. (word) refreshed

13\. (object) banana

15\. (word) striped

Word count (excluding author's note): 1,136

* * *

I originally posted this on August 6th, 2018 as a second chapter in the story "The Spark that Lit the Fire," because I was travelling and had to post by mobile in order to meet the competition deadline, and couldn't figure out how to create a new story on mobile. Now I've gotten around to putting it in its own story where it should be!

Set in a Muggle AU where Hogwarts is some sort of elite boarding school of the arts. I'm also operating on the headcanon that Gilderoy Lockhart is a nom-de-plume that he adopted in his pursuit of fame and his birth name is probably something extremely ordinary.

* * *

 **Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana**

'Severus, my boy, would you stay and chat a minute?'

Severus, usually the first out the door after a class ended, froze in place, then slowly turned around and returned to his seat. Minutes trickled by as the other students packed their bags and filtered out of the classroom at a leisurely pace, and finally, as the door shut behind the last one, Severus rose and approached the professor's desk.

'Sir?'

Slughorn looked up from his pile of paperwork and beamed at his star pupil.

'Excellent work on your macarons. They are one of the most difficult desserts to master, you know, but of course, you had no issues.' He picked up one of Severus's pistachio macarons produced during class that day and bit into it with an expression of delight.

'Thank you, sir,' Severus replied. He waited; there must be something else. Slughorn preferred to praise his students in front of their peers, so Severus wouldn't have been kept back for solely a compliment.

'Of course, not everyone is so dedicated as you in their studies of the culinary arts,' the professor lamented, helping himself to a purple, slightly misshapen macaron from another student's pile. 'I've a lad in my third-year class who's clever as can be, but just doesn't seem to want to apply himself.'

'A pity.'

'Indeed. Although I'm sure that with the right motivation… perhaps a peer to show the boy what he'd be capable of if he applied himself… a mentor of sorts…' Here Slughorn fixed Severus with a meaningful gaze, and the latter tried to halt the skeptical eyebrow that threatened to rise.

'Are you proposing that I be that mentor?' he asked, incredulous. Surely his professor had noticed his… solitary tendencies. What self-respecting student could look up to him as a mentor?

'I could think of no one better for the job!'

'Might I suggest Miss Evans?'

Suddenly, Slughorn looked abashed. 'Er, well, as a matter of fact, I did already ask her…' Severus nearly let out a sardonic laugh at having caught his professor in the midst of one of his self-serving flatteries. _No one better, indeed_. 'What with her Head Girl duties she was unable to commit the time.'

'Of course,' Severus replied, 'I should have known. However, I'm sure that any number of students in your seventh-year class would be capable of—'

'Severus,' the professor intoned, 'I believe this is an _opportunity_ for you. It's true that alumni of Hogwarts are held in high regard, but you don't have the same connections that many other students here have access to. Having tutelage experience on your resume may be just the boon you need to help set you apart from other young graduates.'

Severus pursed his lips. It was true, of course, that his family wasn't of much status. Any, really. They'd have had no hope of affording Hogwarts tuition if he weren't on a scholarship. If he wanted to increase his chances of finding a decent job and getting away from Spinner's End once and for all…

'Very well, then, sir. Let me know when we can schedule the use of your classroom.'

* * *

A few days later, on a cloudy Monday evening, Severus found himself waiting for his twelve-minutes-late mentee. Just as he was reaching the limits of his patience and considering calling off his tutoring commitment, the door burst open and he was bathed in the glowing smile of a short boy with wavy golden hair.

'Hello, there! You must be Severus. My name is Gilbert Laughlin. Pleasure to meet you!'

Gilbert had wasted no time in striding across the classroom to offer a hand in greeting. Severus raised his hands from their resting place on the desk—more so out of surprise at the boy's exuberance than out of any sort of inclination to accept the gesture—and Gilbert pounced, taking Severus's right hand in both of his and pumping it up and down enthusiastically.

When he managed to extricate himself, Severus cleared his throat and unsubtly took a step backwards. 'Quite,' he clipped. 'Let's not waste any time in beginning; our booking in this room is limited.'

'Right you are,' Gilbert agreed. He reached into his rucksack and, with a flourish, pulled out a bright piece of cloth. He pulled the turquoise and gold striped apron over his head and tied it expertly. 'So, what's on the menu for today?'

'Professor Slughorn would like us to begin with a banana cream pie,' Severus explained, gesturing to their workstation with the ingredients already assembled.

Gilbert hummed in consideration. 'Not the most exciting colour palette,' he lamented. 'We could add some fruit garnishes to liven it up!'

'That would be… unconventional,' Severus said. 'Let's stick to the recipe for now. A traditional pie crust would be best, but at your level of experience a graham cracker crust will be more appropriate to try…'

Over the course of the next hour, Severus tried to corral Gilbert into taking an interest in the recipe, with little to no success.

'To crush the graham crackers, take a rolling pin and hammer gently on—'

'How _brutish_.'

'An ordinary banana cream pie will use plain whipped cream, but a technique I have developed uses overripe bananas; their starches have been converted to sugar and they are easier to liquidize, and they can easily be combined with the cream to—'

'Ooh! Those ingredients would make an excellent hair conditioner, don't you think?'

'The cream should be whipped with a whisk continuously until—'

'Eugh! You've splashed some cream on my apron!'

Eventually, his head throbbing and his vision beginning to go red, Severus managed to pull a nearly-completed pie from the oven. All that remained was to spread the cream topping. He turned around to place it on the counter and was greeted by a faceful of whipped cream. He dropped the pie in surprise and reached up to wipe his eyes clear, only to see Gilbert beaming unapologetically at him.

'You know, bananas have some proteins that are just marvelous for brightening up the skin's complexion. I thought you might benefit from that. And the cream is nice and cool—don't you just feel so refreshed?'

* * *

The next day, Severus swept into Slughorn's classroom during the lunch break.

'Sir, I'm afraid Mr. Laughlin and I are a poor match. You should seek out a new mentor for him.'

'What? How can you be sure after only one session? He's such a nice boy; I'm sure you'll—'

'I'm quite _sure_ it will not work out,' Severus insisted.

At this moment, Slughorn's next class began to trickle into the room. Gilbert entered, chatting with two of his Ravenclaw classmates.

'…And you know, I've developed a technique using overripe bananas. Their sweetness and texture—Oh, hello, Severus!'

Severus closed his eyes, counted to five, and left the room.


End file.
